Did I do anything that mattered today? I struggle living missionally knowing that each day matters. Each day I'm making an impact on someone...good or bad. Did I make someone feel used and unimportant today; or did I make them feel special and unique. It's my choice how I react to situations everyday. (at least thats what I tell my students)

The other day a student shared a burden with me. I was completely at loss of how to react and what exactly to say or do. I cannot understand her pain and it would only dimish it if I said I know how she feels. So, we sat there together and cried for her hurt. Her heart was broken and my heart broke for her.

Somedays, the most important thing I can do for those babies that come to me everyday is to love them, unconditionally, despite everything. Even after they yell, curse, scream...and defy me. I do love them and my heart so goes out to each of their situations. They can't control their lives beyond themselves, but they can make choices for a better tomorrow.

We aren't defined by our circumstances, but we are defined by our choices. I can't control situations/circumstances I am put in, but I can control my reaction to them.


                                                                                                   

"For a child of God hopelessness is a the most unnecessary condition in the entire bag of mind tricks..." Beth Moore

Often we feel as if the world is falling apart at its very seams. Everything that we were founded on is coming apart...nothing will ever be the same. Christians shudder and feel helpless at current events. Ironic though....the darker the night, the brighter a simple light shines. Hopelessness is a myth. A myth that Satan invented to keep us incapable of moving forward in our lives... and living contagiously. I feel empowered though to live my life and make a difference... to love one, the way I wish the masses could be loved. Now is my time (& your time); Don't give up just when people around you need you so badly. Your life matters. You matter. 

       I feel like as girls, ladies,....women, whatever; we are so jealous. I know I am. ALL. THE. TIME. It's like I can't just be happy for someone who gets married, finds a boyfriend, has a baby...all I want to do is list 10 things that they should have done better, like that's helping. It's not. Life is hard enough without everyone telling me (or me telling them) what they should have done better or how they could have followed the Bible closer. I finally realized like two weeks ago, that I am not helping by analyzing everyone's life and personal choices. I wish instead of judging someone; I would just be their biggest fan because most of the time....she is doing her best. 
   
       So, ladies I am proud of you. I proud of how well you are juggling your life right now. I am proud of the healthy choices you are making or how you are treating yourself. I am so happy for you if you started dating someone...or if you are having your 2 year, 2 month, 2 week, or 2 day iversary. I'm so happy that your man proposed to you, and you're starting your life together or if you just went to look at rings the other day. I'm so excited for your job promotion or I'm still cheering for you as you are working towards your dream job. I am proud of you, young mommy, who is trying to keep up with all the confusingness of being a mom...I can't imagine doing what you do, day in and day out. You are amazing. I'm rooting for you too single ladies, who are still alone; but not settling...  I really know how you feel. I'm proud of you for deciding against texting that loser back ( or even if you did once or twice... I'm proud that you got your head on straight now--been there.) So, girl...wherevever you're at know that I am in your corner even if you do make a mistake now and then...it's okay because even if I want to pretend I don't I totally do ALL. THE. FREAKIN. TIME. 
                                your biggest fan,
                                    natalie edith

Anamoly

something that deviates from what is normal, standard, or expected. 

Girls like me aren't suppose to be teachers in at-risk schools. We're suppose to say in the suburbs and teach students, who have both parents and aren't used to shootings their neighborhoods. Kids that grew up like me. We're suppose to get married young and be protected and provided for. 

Expectation. Timelines. Perfection. ....will be the death of me. 

The system is broken...you'll never make a difference. Those kids are too far gone. You'll get hurt. It's dangerous. You should be careful. (All words, I heard and spoke to myself about being a teacher) 

I know I can't change the world, but if I can love one child or one coworker; then it'll be worth it. Every time, I get cussed out or sized up. Everytime I've felt degraded, out of place, or in over my head. 

In my weakness, He is made strong. (2 Corinthinans 12:9-11) I've been told I'm a strong person. It's kinda become something I hold to....something I'm proud of. It's like my armor  that I hold up. I'm strong. Unbreakable. Undeniably born under 2 brothers, that encouraged me to go farther, run faster, jump higher, and not be scared. It's not wrong to be strong, but when it makes me lean into myself and not on God it is So. Wrong. Teaching has done exactly that, made me realize that I don't have to be strong. I don't have to be in control. It's okay to be in over my head. Because, maybe... in over my head....is exactly where I need to be. 

"They say we don't fit in, but I say we are exactly who God created us to be, Anamolies"                                                                -Lecrae 

Some days I'm a mess,

other days I hide it better. 

Love. What is it? That's an age old question....but from one of my students perspective.

Me: Love, what is that?
Student: Like Granny and Papa.

I would have to agree.  

This day Monday, November 18, 2013 deserves a celebration because you see I once was lost, but now I am found. I once was blind, but now I see. Sin was deep, but His love and blood was greater still. So, I celebrate this day and everyday, that Jesus Christ has made me whole. Even though I'm not perfect I struggle everyday with realizing who I am in Christ and what he did for me. It's a  beautiful struggle with ups and downs. I struggle with the importance of what I am doing now...is it worthwhile. I don't want to "run" in vain. (Phillipians 3:2) I feel the teeter totter of freedom in Christ and using my freedom in Christ for my own advantage.(Galatians 5:13)  Life isn't always beautiful, sometimes it hurts. Last week at this time I called my best friend to run to the hospital with me because my dad had been admitted. not easy. God is faithful to me though, even when I am not faithful to Him, and that my friend is the beauty of grace.